How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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