We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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