Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she pinky promised me she was 18
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
