just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
