I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
40s are totally the cure
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
