I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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