I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize