my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
