i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize