yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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