I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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