when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was CRYING into my vagina
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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