Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
