We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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