We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
