i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
