Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
