We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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