My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
