I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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