All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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