i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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