she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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