i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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