I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
