help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
