I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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