I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
