I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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