he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
