some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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