I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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