Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We talked him into tasing himself.
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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