You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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