Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish i was in the wii world.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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