a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
