Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.