hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
NoShamevember. You game?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.