Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him