I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
