got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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