Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
