Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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