You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize