OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
