I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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