i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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