Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
