I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
