tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
