The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
