If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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