youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
