So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
