thus making me awesome and them whores
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
