She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
