Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
