google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
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