I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He better not be in your backpack
you made out with another girl for some wings
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
