Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
