if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
