Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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