I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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