I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize