Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
