I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
