happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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