haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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