Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
