So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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