Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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