my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it's like iHOP with fire
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
