And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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