Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
