new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
