Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
