Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
