TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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