I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
