when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
