i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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