i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
