why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
