he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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