before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
