Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
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Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
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One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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