What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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